Re-Write Your Story...and Choose a New Ending!
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. - Henry Ford
Do you hold limiting beliefs that have clandestinely transformed into your mantra? When you repeat limiting beliefs to yourself and others, they become a narrative that further imbeds itself into your mind, eventually becoming a core belief. This mantra, ingrained to the point where you no longer notice as it rolls off your tongue, becomes who you are.
“I don’t have time in my life to exercise.”
“I can never save any money.”
“I’m always late.”
Stop for a moment and consider your limiting beliefs. In what ways are these beliefs affecting your day-to-day experiences? Are you tired of rushing around and apologizing for being late to meetings? Is that really who you want to be?
The gulf between your limiting belief and the ideal of what you want for yourself might seem like the Grand Canyon. However, that gap is actually the sweet spot where you can grow. Here are specific steps you can to take to cross your personal crevasse and get to the other side where you are the person who takes walks, has money set aside for vacation and arrives on time.
Identify the Opposite Belief
Translate your limiting belief into the opposite, positive statement or the ideal of how you want to behave. “Wine is the only way I can relax” becomes“I have multiple ways to de-stress.”Anytime you find yourself about to say the self-limiting mantra, replace it with the new, positive statement. If you mess up, just correct yourself. The more often you declare your new belief, the faster it will displace the old one.
Give the Mic to your Positive Narrator
Have you noticed that your negative, critical voice tends to take over? Does it rake you over the coals with nastiness? When it crops up, tell that voice it no longer gets the microphone. Give your positive, encouraging voice more air- time. This may be a gradual process, but aim for five positive affirmations to offset each pessimistic comment in order to squelch your rebellious inner-contrarian. Over time, it will become easier for your fresh, confident voice to dominate.
Find Evidence for Success
Write down anything that is false about your old beliefs. Does walking with a friend make exercise bearable? Did you succeed in paying off one credit card? Are you always on time for something fun like movies? Whatever it is, this is your evidence that you are capable of behaving in a different way. As you move forward, continue to notice when you have any small success and add that to your arsenal of rebuttals to the old beliefs.
Harness Your Strengths
Make a list of your strengths and get creative about how they can help you win this battle with your old belief. Are you great at arguing? That’s excellent, because you can use this skill to convince yourself to get in the car and drive to the gym. Are you an amazing cook? Invent new mocktails to swap out for your wine. Great at tracking your diet? Apply the same principles to managing your money.
Swap Out Deprivation for Self-Care
When we feel that we are being deprived of what we deserve, such as giving up wine for seltzer, this can make us cranky, mad and annoyed. However, if you look at your new habit as self-care, instead of punishment, it can bolster your resolution for change. No wine in the evenings translates into eating less after dinner, getting things done other than watching TV, sleeping better, saving money from wine not purchased and gaining acuity of mind at work. That’s a lot in the self-care column.
Failure is Information
You will mess up. You will buy something that isn’t in your budget. You will skip exercising because it is raining. And guess what? Your mess up is not a failure; it is information. Let it go, figure out what went wrong and use it to inform your plan for the next time. Make it a goal to stretch out the time between mess-ups and use this as another way to measure progress. You went four months without online shopping, so try for five months after the setback.
Repeat Often
To help you remember the new belief, post reminders everywhere.
Make it your screen saver; tape it to your bathroom mirror; send yourself an email, postcard or letter; or set a timer with a positive message. Talking it through with a trusted friend can help but if you can’t get any traction, seek the support of a therapist or life coach.
Just because you have been operating one way for years, doesn’t mean you have to keep the same set of destructive beliefs and habits. Thoughts become words, words become actions and actions reinforce beliefs. Let go of the past. Tell yourself a better story to get across the chasm between your limiting beliefs and where you want to be.